i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
