haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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