Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
