I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
