Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize