i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Small penises have feelings too.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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