My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
