everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
