I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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