My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
