I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
