Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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