just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
