if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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