So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
