Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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