I showed him my bush... on skype.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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