He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
