Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
