He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
