In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
