i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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