he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
