You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can I color on your dick again?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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