No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize