Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
