2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Barsexuality is the new black.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
