Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
