she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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