I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
