you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
