We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
