like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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