I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
