No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
