I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
