Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
