what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
