i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
