There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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