Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
