haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Screwed.edu
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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