He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
