Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.

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(813): View more from Florida

sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.

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(206): View more from Washington

So. She dumped me today.

(425): View more from Washington

Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.

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(512): View more from Texas

It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship

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