you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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