this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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