dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize