I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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