Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
