his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this hospital has no fireball
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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