Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
