i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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