yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
