How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
