she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
