Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
