Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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