3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
