he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
