Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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