I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
