she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
