You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize