Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
