walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
