god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he thought i was a dude.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
