wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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