Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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