The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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