Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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