You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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