i'm signing you up for texting rehab
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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